Hey New Mom, You’re Doing a Great Job!

Hey New Mom, You’re Doing a Great Job! I don’t know if anyone has told you so, but you are awesome!

Being a new mommy is a lot of work. You read, research and read some more to prepare for your new little bundle of joy. But then reality sets in. All that hard work you put into your prep work is gone.

I know, I’ve been there. I had my son at 23-years-old. I prepared with every book I could find. I read everything from First-Time Mom to The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. I went to prenatal classes and was determined I was going to have an all natural birth. I am woman, hear me roar!

But nature had different plans for me. I began to leak fluid at the end of my pregnancy. I was put on bed rest and when my fluid dipped below safe levels for my son, I was induced. Not one single book told me about the hellish pains I would feel from my induction. My contractions were pure torture. I was screaming and crying in pain – screaming words I never thought would leave my mouth. I went from the girl declaring she would never need an epidural, to the one biting my husband’s hands off in pain. I was begging for mercy. I’ll never forget when the anesthesiologist came in and ended my misery. I told him I loved him and would never love another man more than I loved him.

45-minutes later, my beautiful bundle of joy entered the world. That was the most magical, wonderful moment of my life! They put him on my breast for him to nurse and my next failure reared its ugly head. I have issues and the poor little guy couldn’t latch. What? You mean I have a physical ailment that may make it difficult for me to breastfeed my baby. No, no! I was told every woman can breastfeed and if you don’t you’re a lazy mom who is giving her child poison by feeding him formula.

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I tried everything in the hospital to get my son to latch. La Leche came and told me, “sorry, you’re not going to be able to nurse.” But I kept trying. I had the hospital grade breast pump hooked up to me for most of the day trying to get something anything out, but it didn’t work. I went home with my new little family still determined to nurse. I pumped away on my breast pump and tried nipple shields to help the little guy out.

My son went to his first check-up and lost weight from his birth weight. No big deal, most babies do. He developed a minor case of jaundice, so I was told to put him in the sunlight to help him out. At his follow-up appointment he was down two pounds and his jaundice was worse. I told the doctor I had been strictly trying to nurse and pump for him. The doctor told me I needed to give him formula for him to survive. Great, I was a failure breastfeeding!

The doctor told me I was a great mom! She told me that giving my son formula was not poison, it was nutrition his tiny body needed to grow and develop. I was doing what was best for him. I needed to hear that I was a good mom. I felt like I was failing my son because I wasn’t successful as an all natural mom.

I had my third baby in February 2013 and I felt that the pressure was even greater for new moms to nurse, have a natural childbirth and to be super woman who wears skinny jeans the next day after giving birth. My hurdle to overcome this time; my daughter was breech. After two successful vaginal deliveries, I was now facing a dreaded c-section.

On my mom’s board for the What to Expect app, first time, soon-to-be moms were telling other moms who were having c-sections that their doctors didn’t care about them or their baby. The “greedy” doctors were only interested in making more money! After all, it’s what they were heard and believed. I was angry! How dare these women tell another soon-to-be moms their doctor didn’t have their best interest at heart!

My doctor was wonderful! She tried everything to get my baby to flip so I could avoid surgery. Even when I was on the operating table, my fabulous doctor waited to see if she would flip after I had my spinal. She didn’t flip, so the c-section went on as planned. In post-op my doctor apologized for having to do a c-section. She wanted to avoid it as much as I did. Too bad for the greedy doctor theory.

Let’s stop with the mommy wars and encourage one another. Life is hard and every now and then we just need to hear that we are doing a good job, especially when we feel like we are failing.

When your baby is in Kindergarten, he won’t be known as the kid whose mother didn’t breastfed him.

So as a three-time, been there, done that mom, I want to tell all new moms you rock! You’re excelling at a thankless job, all while being criticized every step of the way.

To the mommy who breastfeeds, formula feeds, co-sleeps, put the baby in the crib right away, baby wears, puts baby in the stroller, but most importantly loves her baby . . . you rock!

You’re amazing!

And to the mothers of special need babies, you are a true inspiration. Thank you!

Rock on, moms!

Learn more about feeding options from The Honest Company.

35 Comments

  • Such a lovely post. You are right. I wish someone had told me these things when I was a mom for the first time. It is not the end of the world if you medically are unable to breastfeed. Still feel that guilt today.
    Babita@BabsProjects.com recently posted..Spicy Grilled ShrimpMy Profile

    • @ Babs – I was able to nurse my daughters, but I don’t feel guilty for not nursing my son. He is a wonderful, smart, healthy 7-year-old! It feels great to let go of the guilt.

  • What a great post for first time Moms. When I had my Daughter, there wasn’t an internet. I didn’t nurse and back then that was the norm. You are doing a wonderful job!!

    • @Terry – Thank you! It’s hard being a new mom and we need to help one another, not destroy each other!

  • This is truly well written and beautifully said. I wish more moms had your perspective and moms would band together to support each other. It is a shame how much we try to put each other down instead of encouraging each other to be the best moms we can be.
    Victoria @ My Thoughts For Thought recently posted..Weekly Weigh InMy Profile

    • @ Victoria – Everything is a competition now. Do you think women acted like this in the “good ‘ol days”? I really think a simple “good job” goes a long way!

  • Pam says:

    What a great post! Women can be each other’s staunchest supporters but some can be another woman’s biggest critics when one certainly doesn’t need a critic. Life can be tough enough.

    We all feel inadequate at times as mothers. We are the hardest on ourselves and we need to stop that.
    Pam recently posted..Husband, Father and Best FriendMy Profile

    • @ Pam – I agree. We are often living the same struggles and sometimes I wonder if we take our frustrations out on each other or place our insecurities on other people?

  • Great post. Thanks for such a heartfelt look at being a mom. If anyone hasn’t said it recently – you are doing a great job.
    Angela Addington recently posted..Mompreneur and artistL Judi RayeMy Profile

  • Autumn B says:

    Wonderful post! I was induced with both of my daughters and didn’t nurse. I agree that all that matters is the love you have for your child, the rest is just extras <3
    Autumn B recently posted..Wacky Wednesday Coffee Sale!My Profile

    • @ Autumn – All you need is love 🙂 I was/am able to nurse my daughters, but it just didn’t happen with my son. I don’t love him any less and our relationship is just as strong!

  • Cynthia says:

    Great post. Being a mother is the hardest yet best job in the world. There is always a time in our lives that we feel like failures. You have made the best of difficult situations and I think it is great that you are encouraging others.
    Cynthia recently posted..Strawberry SauceMy Profile

  • Corinne says:

    Amen! Of course we all parent differently since we are all individuals. It doesn’t make anyone wrong or worse than others. I have enough trouble trying to do the best with my kids. I don’t have the time, energy, or certificate of achievement in parenting to parent other people’s kids or tell their parents how to do it.
    Corinne recently posted..Fun Group Activities For KidsMy Profile

    • @ Corinne – I know what you mean. At the end of the day after trying to balance work, home and three kids, I’m too tired to worry myself with anyone else.

  • Ashley says:

    You’re a great mom for simply trying to breastfeed! I know many women who are so pro-breastfeeding that they literally put other mom’s down for not even trying or not sticking with it. You sound like a great mom and I am sure you’re children will appreciate your efforts one day!!
    Ashley recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: 6/12/2013My Profile

    • @ Ashley – Too many pro-brestfeeders are so emotionally attached to it that they don’t realize it’s okay to give your baby formula. I can understand being upset if a baby has Coke in his bottle, but not the fury over formula.

  • Sarah says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your post on Whatever Wednesday on Thank You Honey!!

  • Debi Weaver says:

    Sometimes, I venture on a good blog post just by clicking a button in a Blog Hop and I find myself reading what I’ve thought & could have written dozens of times. I find their words are deeply lodged in my heart, wishing to escape and be heard by younger women.
    Their words are on the tip of my tongue many times while I watch moms struggle with apprehension and working through the every day grind of “motherhood”.

    Well, this is how I reacted to your post this morning. Thank you for writing your thoughts. I hope that many read and find encouragement in your words.
    These were words I needed to hear dozens of times when I was young and far from home, yet they rarely came with all the advice I was given or the books I read.
    You also inspired me to consider older moms. I think I’ll keep your message in mind and whenever I can, I’ll pass on your gentle, kind words…
    “You’re doing ok!’, too.

    Thanks again.
    Debi Weaver recently posted..VIrtual Bee Quilt Block #3My Profile

    • @ Debi – Your comment is so thoughtful, thank you. And if no one has told you, you’re a great mom! As moms, we are so under appreciated that we often get down on ourselves. I just want to encourage moms!

  • Leah says:

    I love this. It is so true and also disappointing that other moms are so critical of each other. If you kid is safe and happy, you are doing great and nothing else matters. Thanks for linking up at the Lovely Linky last week. I am co-hosting the Friday Follow Along today if you want to stop in and link up. http://www.leahinspired.com
    Leah recently posted..Friday Follow AlongMy Profile

    • @ Leah – Thank you! Yes, too often moms are overly critical of other moms. Maybe it is a way to cope with their own frustrations with motherhood. I will check-out your link-up soon!

  • SRM says:

    I found your blog through Mrs. AOK Friday follow. The title of your post is what caught my attention, because the theme behind it is what started me to blog in the first place. I *LOVE* this post! Thank you for writing it. As a mom of three, I get so tired of hearing the cattiness of some moms judging others for parenting differently. here are as many ways to parent as there are children. I’m following you now, and I’d love it if you stopped by to check out my blog if you get some time: http://www.suburbanrebelmom.com. Keep up the great blogging and parenting, from one mom to another. =)
    SRM recently posted..Saved by the Eldest!My Profile

    • @ SRM, Thank you for your kind words. I agree, the cattiness needs to end and we should be encouraging one another and not tearing one another down.

  • Sara says:

    Hello! Thank you for sharing your blog on my Blog Hop! I am not a mother yet, and I thank you for the encouraging words that I felt when reading your post. I hope to be a great mother too.
    Sara recently posted..What Happened to my Blog Hop #7???My Profile

    • @ Sara – As long as you love your little baby with all you have you are a great mother! Thank you for stopping by!

  • Heather May says:

    Thank you for your honesty and support of ALL moms. I am as Organic as I can be as a mom to 5 kiddos But when it came to childbirthing—not so much. With the first, I also attended the natural birthing classes, had a plan, was determined–only to be let down. I was a working mom with a demanding career so breastfeeding was out with babies 1-3. I attempted with 4 and 5 but never could make enough milk. I actually quit going to a pediatrician who argued that I wasn’t doing right by not breastfeeding. I think she wanted me to quit my job to stay home! I am certain not providing power, heat, etc would have been better, right? The BEST thing you can give your baby is love and if they have that…they are set.

    Thanks for sharing at the FrugalFitFamily Firday Follow Along!
    Heather May recently posted..Happy Father’s Day…PS, my hair is PINK! The 10 excuses I prepared!My Profile

    • @ Heather – I am right with you. I try to keep things as natural as possible for my family. But I don’t force my beliefs on anyone and I try to support others as much as possible. Being a mommy is tough work!

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